it’s already past 12:30? and i still have this paper to write for tomorrow. guess this means a toke is in order to get the creative juices flowing. although i managed to write 13 pages of “humans are animals, man, just really good with their hands and talking about stuff. evolution, DNA, exploded stars, atoms molecules! we are 85% cow. exploitation of cows! cows are the new black slaves! slavery…and now here’s the history of the united states’ economy…” last time i tried to write this paper high.
tomorrow i’m supposed to go to johns house and make crepes with him. i don’t actually really know how to make crepes. but we’ll probably be drunk anyway so it won’t matter. i did this same thing with zach last year, during the christmas holidays. is it weird that i’m going to do the same thing again with john? i don’t really like doing the same thing twice with different people like this. i also don’t really like crepes (i think). but i also don’t really mind at all. i also do want to bake vegan cupcakes.
Panic! at the last minute because i didn’t do my homework
Look what I made! Cute golden retriever mama and puppy litter.
In my experience, you don’t move on from such a loss. The death of my father was like an explosion that forever changed the landscape of my life. But it is in the allowing of that new landscape to be as it is that you will rediscover your balance.
Don’t analyze your pain and don’t try to change it. Put so much of your attention on the pain that you forget the reason for it. Just feel it. That is your acceptance. When you recognize the sensation without the burden of the mental story, you keep the pain from becoming an intoxicating poison.
The pain may sneak up on you now and then, especially when you indulge in judgmental thinking, dwelling on the past, or imagining what could have been. Again, you must shift your attention from the story in your head to the feeling in your body.
The majority of the suffering you feel from your pain comes from its intoxicating effect. You start thinking and perceiving and concluding in terms of that feeling. But when your attention is on the feeling without the context of thinking, then it can’t control you. That keeps things in perspective, more or less.
So long as you are continuing to reclaim awareness from the intoxication of suffering, you are moving through this challenge. It is only by sinking into self-spun stories and circular emotional patterns that you stagnate.
A book that I really could have used in high school when dealing with all of this is The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. I highly recommend it.
Namaste sis. Much love.
man i have been wanting to trip sooo bad lately. and i just found out that i could have taken lsd on saturday.
im trying really hard not to dwell on/feel bad about this!!!!
i want to take a class critiquing modern day cultural and political hegemonism of the USA. and its history. not even so much critiquing it as talking about it